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1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.

3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such

governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells

that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply

typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply

typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they

do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.

8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the

villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen

changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it

doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate

the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just

underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, puff of

smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. (see #7,

above)

11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before

intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

13. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

14. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be

accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at

two gigabytes per second.

15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control

panels will explode, as will the entire building.

16. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also

disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file-and there

are no undelete utilities.

17. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a

password when you try to access it.

18. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any

system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer

platforms.

19. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However,

everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

20. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-

dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

21. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time

video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY- MP.

22. Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so bright that it

projects itself onto his/her face.

23. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans

operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

24. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

25. Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom

into any picture as far as you want to. For example: "What's that fuzzy thing

in the corner? I don't know, let's check. It's the murder weapon!"

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